Truth in Love

Presenting the Truth in Love

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the head, that is, Christ.

The Dilemma

Truth is a powerful commodity. We are told that it represents the key to our freedom, and it is the cornerstone of the Christian faith.1 Yet truth on its own can be the source of legalism, judgement and confrontation. On (seemingly) the opposite side, we are called as Christians we are called to love others – all people; even the people we despise.2 The question is, then, how do we present truth in a way that loves and honours others?

Truth or Legalism?

As I said at the outset, truth is powerful; truth is undeniable and irrevocable; truth is constant and unchanging. The Bible tells us that it is sharper than a sword and able to separate "joints from marrow".3 Truth is also a source of law, and laws point to some truth. Truth can be most dangerous when used in this context. The Pharisees and the Jewish tradition itself evolved to become experts in interpreting and applying the truth of the laws of Moses. Laws were calculated and followed with exacting precision, down to the tithing of herb gardens and prohibition of ‘work’ on the Sabbath.4 In this way, the Jews’ focus on law and legalism became a tool of condemnation and injury, not freedom. Combined with the power of the tongue, the truth if handled in this manner can cause great damage.5

Clearly, it appears that God desires more from us than blind obedience to the truth and law. In the Old Testament, God rejected the Jewish rituals – even though they complied with the law – for the reason that there was no heart, or love, to their obedience.6 Even in the New Testament Paul emphasises that anything without love is futile.7

Love or Compromise?

The two greatest commandments – loving God and loving each other – contain two common elements: love and relationship.8 We must love God and others, and we exercise that love through our ongoing relationship with them. Love, however, does not equate to niceness toward everyone. If love is reduced to friendly, positive feelings alone the dilemma is magnified. When truth is controversial, sensitive, or personal, or even ‘offensive’, sharing it becomes more difficult if we think that causing pain or hurt is incompatible with love. Often we will hide the truth or water it down so as not to injure the feelings of another. While this may be appropriate in some situations, the risk is that the necessary truth will not be disclosed – resulting in a longer period in darkness and deception. 1 Corinthians 13 instructs us that love “does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.” and it always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres.9 Prioritising feelings over the truth may in fact compromise the goals of love. Indeed it is love that prompts us to share truth in the first place; our very spirit that yearns to see the truth unfold.10

It is important to understand the enduring power of love. While patience and a capacity to forgive are virtues of love,11 a common fear in presenting truth is that it will somehow damage or destroy the relationship with the receiving person. Truth presented in an inappropriate fashion (that is, without love) may have this effect, but a matured relationship founded on real love (not just good feelings) should be able to endure and grow further through the temporary hurt that may be caused by disagreement. Indeed suffering plays an significant role in our personal growth.12 Thus, it is not truth that destroys relationship more than the way in which it is presented.

Presenting the Truth in Love

We are called to present the truth, to teach, encourage, correct and admonish, and to be an example of truth and love in the world.13 To look at the example of Jesus in this regard, is to see the One who was uncompromising with the truth, yet sensitive, loving and graceful toward others.

The following questions may be useful to consider in discerning whether and how best to present the truth:

1. Is my truth the truth?14 Does what I believe is the truth line up with scripture and God’s principles, or is it merely doctrinal, legalistic, opinionated, selfish, or biased toward my point of view?

2. Is my truth free from my own judgement?15 If the person has wronged me in any way, have I already forgiven them?16 Is love my motivation? 17

3. Does the truth aim to uplift, or bring growth or freedom, or does it add to condemnation, ridicule or devaluing?

4. Have I considered the needs of the other person? Am I able to support them in the journey? Are they sensitive to anything? Is the situation, setting and climate appropriate?

5. Do I trust God with the outcome?18

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